Life's struggles

I know that life on this planet requires obstacles for us to learn and grow. I also know that I will be a better person for them and that it is in heavenly fathers plan but some times I fell so overwhelmed. My back pain seems to take over my life. I find a lot of time I would rather sleep stay in oblivion then face the new day. I see the strain it puts on my family and I feel as if I'm giving them a great burden. Some times it hurts so bad that I want to tell every one, I want to explain how it feels I want them to really know how my life is. If I tell my children they worrie and it eats at me. When I tell Joe I feel he can't understand and I add to his troubles and frustrations. Alto of time I say nothing. I feel so alone. I fear where this is going I fear the growth of more and more pain and the possibility of restricted movement and disformaties. I don't want to live off of pain pills. right now I hurt I know I'll have another sleepless night. I'll toss and turn seeking relief. I'll take pills they help but make me jittery and itchy .The time will slip by one o'clock three and then five. then my body gives up I sleep only to wake up to get the kids off to school. I know it will pass I'll get a few good days but they seem to come less often. I know there are people with more pain and troubles and Heavenly father wouldn't give me more then I can deal with. I know he loves me. sometimes I just get selfish and want peace now. I love my family and I know that love me.I'm great full for the blessings I have. I will try to show it more.